When Reality Is at Odds with Ideality

So I figured that to actually achieve a goal of one million words a year, I would need to spend approximately one full hour every day. That is at a pace of 60 words per minute. The approximation of an hour is on the high end and the wpm is on the low end, giving plenty of room for error since I would have to take any pauses and breaks into consideration. An hour a day would would take too much of my time. I should figured this would have been a problem. But if I ever really get into typing nonstop for an hour, I’d probably break my daily quota. I find that inspired writing comes out at a faster pace and higher quality than writing that comes because I want to write whether just to write or to fill a quota or whatever. Often, when I drive myself to write, even if its ‘rambling’ undirected writing I can’t find a ‘go’ beyond a ‘stop’. There’s always a perfect place to stop and when I reach that point, I stop. There is no going on for me. I don’t feel a need to continue and I can’t because that is the end of multiple trains of thought. Even if it doesn’t read complete, or flow well, or even have a semblance of a whole, that is where it ends. Not everything is necessarily the same and would allow a large word count and the count doesn’t even matter. I think faster than I can write and I basically write what I think (although, the act of writing puts my thoughts into a certain mode it seems as if I am thinking the words as they appear at by fingertips) when I reach a point where I am essentially all thought out, there is no reason, no impetus for me to get going again. It is the end and that is how it should stay. I’m not one who believes in prolonging anything beyond its shelf life. That would be worse than beating a dead horse and that’s not even a proper metaphor.

I find that if I go on long enough, or if I stop long enough and start up again, I sometimes repeat myself, in a slightly different way. I’ve written and rewritten the same story multiples before and it always seems to get better each time. Tighter prose. Poignant sentences. I’m not one to use too many words when I edit and re-edit my own work. This also gives me trouble with papers and essays. I always find it hard to make the minimum page count. I find that I’ve said all I wanted to say, but it’s not ‘complete’ enough. I’m not necessarily a terse person, but I prefer to get my point across as simply as possible, unless I’m messing around or messing with people and use inflated sentences and ridiculous diction that pretty much looks like it makes no sense at all. I don’t enjoy using words that are too uncommon unless they seem right for the occassion.

If I had a story I wanted to tell, a story I didn’t mind telling in bad prose, in bad story telling form, with a bit of cringeworthiness to it, then I might be able to easily easily easily fill out the million words in a year. I’d tell multiple terrible stories, but I’m all storied out for now, of the terrible stories at least. Perhaps I should finish the rather ‘wordy’ story of Lore that I have been experimenting with? haha. Not likely. Well, maybe. It’s a possibility. At least I’d get through the whole plot from the beginning and get to the end that I had in mind. It’s been a year and a half since the story started and it has been nowhere. Perhaps I could just start a new story and ramble it out from there. I could just use that and then later rework it into something better. Eh.

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